Zlatan part II - Drugs & Self-promotion

21 October 2016
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21 October 2016, Comments: Comments Off on Zlatan part II – Drugs & Self-promotion
Continuing on from our exclusive interview with professional footballer, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Will Probing gets deeper and more personal with Zlatan throwing up some epoch inducing knowledge that will leave you shirtless……
( Disclaimer; What you are about to read is completely fabricated so please don’t sue or take offence)
“There’e been alot of coverage recently about doping in sport like the Russian Olympic set up, Bradley Wiggins and obviously Lance Armstrong.
Have you ever come across anything in your time as a sportsman and what are your views generally?”
Zlatan stroked his goateed chin with his thumb and forefinger as his eyes meandered slowly around the room as if stirring up some deep knowledge from the depths of his very soul…..
“Zer will always be zis. As humans we always look for being quicker, stronger, longer, easier in every way, Zis is nature.
We look to new technology to help wis communication when the most effective communication is to speak true wis the heart and humility. 
We look for new ways of managing time when ze best way is to know your destination with clarity and simply find best route.
Maybe zer should be two leagues for all sport. One for drugs and one for clean, zis would be good.
I take drugs…..
“…the drug of life, of joy and of love.
For me, my body is like a worship temple and I pray daily. It’s a playful dancing pole, hard, big, shiny and women swing from it but zis is only natural.
I am force from nature and people say I must use enhancements and drugs, they say I have implants. I say ‘no implants, only plants’. I fill my body each day with greens zings; cress, spinach like Popeye, Norwegian Cave Moss, spirulina,  sprout powder, Zen Tree-Juice all zings good and green. 
If I am stiff after football I bathe with frogspawn in natural pond. Drugs are only reproduction of zings available in nature.
“Thanks Zlatan, that is really interesting. 
You recently launched a self help book series including a guide promising empowerment for gay men after a difficult break up entitled “Ibrahimovic says; Hey Bra, he’s a bitch!” which recently won The Betty Trask Award. Also a dating guide for the larger person called “Zlatan’s fat ‘ens” which the Daily Mail described as “a must have and inspiring pocket bible for all oversized humans.”
You are clearly successfully diversifying and are not shy of self-promotion.
Do you have any advice for people starting out in their profession or looking to be a success in a new field?
For me business is two zings; Being good at what you do and then telling as many people as you can how good you are.
If good at football and you only play in a barn in a field for 30 years, you only nutmeg cows and dropping shoulder to chickens this is bad for business.
If you take yourself around the world showing many people my skills this is good business and self-promotion. Success will follow.
I do not nutmeg cows, although I could!”


Look out for our final part of the interview when Zlatan reveals all and gives his perspective on Brexit and the future of UK sport and business…


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