16 June 2013
Comments: Comments Off on I am a drug addict!
16 June 2013, Comments: Comments Off on I am a drug addict!

I am a lover of all sports taking part in a wide variety from football to windsurfing and although football has been the one that I have gained the highest honours in and play the most, I hold others in a higher regard.

Rugby is one, with it physical demands, the bravery required, the respect it teaches and its camaraderie, I agree with rugby’s philosophy and it fills me with a warmth that there are good people out there. I remember queuing for a beer at half time at Twickenham some years ago. It was a very civilised orderly queue full of pink jumpers and corduroy jeans with no pushing when a man tried to ruck his way to the front. On mass about 50 people verbally objected and made sure he joined the back. About two minutes later a young lady approached the bar and in contrast the queues parted and allowed her to the front.  Only at Twickers!

Tennis is another. The one on one gladiatorial nature of tennis and its mental demands.  How you have to play each point in a bubble as if the last means I find a cross-netted stare from Nadal both scary and inspiring.

When it comes to football I am somewhat against its philosophy and the mass followers and what they represent. The over excited 65 year old with his team’s badge tattooed on his arm. The person who has been going to watch his team for half a century, who has dragged his children into his world without choice, who meets at the same pub with the same people week after week.

What I have realised however is although I probably am a sport snob, preferring to mingle with the chinos at HQ rather than with the jeans at Old Trafford, I am addicted to the drug that is football.

My Drug

In real time it has been only a few days since the last the last game in The Barclay’s Premiership and only a few days until the first game of the new season but without The Premier league there is alot of empty story space.  With nothing to write about journalists must be scouring the world for anything of any substance to get their teeth into. It truly is a barren media desert.

The schoolyard rumours and grapevine whispers that newspapers struggle to make a story out of, the increased airtime that bass fishing gets on sports radio, the nostalgic re-runs and “C” class football competitions that dominate the television, football journalists are being forced to work harder than ever and maybe even think for once!

Searching the vast unending sand filled landscape for the oasis of a new signing or for a palm tree of revelation of a late night drinking binge.

If I have to read one more article about how Jose is happy, how Rednapp is unhappy or how Wenger doesn’t know whether he is happy I will scream!

Please roll on the new season and save me!

My headline is grabbing but somewhat misleading. Whilst good football stories are scarce at this time here’s some juicy ones I have found;


Ballotelli in ice-cream sex party shocker!

The unpredictable Mario Ballotelli has been involved in another bizarre episode. After a late night clay pottery session with some close friends in his villa just outside Rome, Super Mario is said to have ordered over 1,000 litres of vanilla ice-cream to his home. He allegedly filled his swimming pool with the ethically sourced dessert then spent the next few hours writhing around with his friends and several scantily clad women to the sounds of LL Cool J.

A local Italian ice-cream expert was disgusted saying;

“I like Mario but this time he has gone too far. Ice-cream is an Italian institution that should be enjoyed in a sanitary manner and LL Cool J is past his best!.”


Mancini and Platt are Lovers and are to open beauty salon together!

The former Manchester City Manager and assistant manager announced that they have been having a secret relationship for months and now feel it’s the right time to go public.

They had been seen alone together on several occasions in romantic restaurants and bars in Manchester but their meetings were put down to tactic discussions or finalising future signings.

They are said to be very happy and are looking at several sites in Salford Quays and Wilmslow with the view of opening a beauty and hair salon.

Roberto gave an interview to Gazetta Del a Sport in Italy;

“Am veeerry appy wid Pretty Platty as I call im. It is ofcourse the natural for us a too opening dis salon. I eh, always good wid de air and Pretty Platty is a good wid de….how you say, de skin.

We open for de players in Manchester, I ope to do de air for Robbie Savage, is fantastic no and Platty e want de to do de skin for Carlos no.”

There new venture will be called “Mancini & Platts” and will hopefully open for the new season.


What d’ya Jermain I’m not a star?

Soon to be released Jermain Defoe is to follow in the footsteps of his uncle and head for Hollywood. Tottenham’s record goalscorer has been told he is surplus to requirements and has said he is going to pursue his other boyhood dream of becoming an actor. His family has a successful history in front of the camera with his uncle Willem Defoe having starred in greats such as Platoon and Spiderman.

Speaking to the Filmtoday magazine Jermain said;

“Although I don’t possess the filmstar looks and pearly whites of my uncle I have been practising in front of the mirror and I think I’m really good.”

Jermain counts Charlie Chaplin and Jason Statham as two of his inspirations saying;

“Charlie always had a unique way of delivering words with such feeling and Jason’s method acting and diversity are legendary in the industry.”


Messi to sign for Blackburn

A source close to the mercurial Barca star has blown the rumour mill wide open. With Manchester City, PSG and Monaco all courting the Argentine ace it now seems Blackburn are favourites to land him.

The second cousin of the cleaner who used to work in a tapas restaurant on her year out in the Spanish capital in the late eighties has said she overheard a conversation between Dave and Enrico that Messi had seen Blackburn’s new kit and thought it was quite cool.


Please note all above stories are completely made up and I hope none caused any offence.

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