Eric Cantona speaks, you listen

19 August 2014
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19 August 2014, Comments: Comments Off on Eric Cantona speaks, you listen

STOP PRESS-

French football and philosophy legend Eric Cantona sheds some light on some of the great mysteries of sport and life.

We have great pleasure in announcing that through our connections with the French Footballing Federation and the farming community of Alsace we have been granted exclusive access to one of the greatest enigmas ever to have graced a football pitch, a police cell or a film set.

Ex-Manchester United and France legend Eric Cantona* has agreed to give his take on life in and out of football in some fascinating one on one interviews that we have named “Eric’s Epiphany”.

Eric’s Epiphany #1

“The Law of The Circle “

(Please read with French accent to get the full impact of these profound exerts)

“It is annoying to me that these men playing football of these times are no longer what nature depicts as “men”. They are cloned plastic pawns at the feet of a commercial dictator with a big hat being strategically moved around and moulded to the ends of making money, this is true.

Football is no longer about the gladiatorial man to man battle of being more skilful, or having more heart…..desire or better fitness and strength than your opposing player and team.

To act hurt and roll around to get a player booked or sent off is normal, to fall with no contact to win a penalty is normal, to claim corners and throw ins when you know it is not so, is normal, this is to cheat………this is cheating!

When I was a man and at my first club, Auxerre, we had a philosophy, a guide to life, a rule of MAN, something we called “The Law of the circle”.

This law we all followed with the gentle guidance of the senior players. I remember some of the finer points; there were fines for certain misdemeanours for example when you forgot your kit you would have to take a 1 mile run through the fields with no shorts on. When you missed an easy chance in a game you would have to find a pretty lady in the crowd and sing two verses of the Francis Cabrel song-“Encore et Encore” to her. If you had too many products in the showers you would be forced to roll in garlic filled mud, cover your face in Vaseline and wear a dress to the meal we always had after the game.

These acts conditioned players to playing the game the right way; play hard, play fair and do everything within the realms of sportsmanship to win the game, be a MAN!

Nowadays if a “man” with highlighted hair slicked up in a Mohawk with 3kg of gel, a pierced nipple, a tattoo in Latin words of his daughter named Ford Capri cheats and his team wins he is congratulated by his manager and his price is inflated by 10million Euros.

This is wrong, the farmer’s of Alsace are turning in their potato field graves.

I would like to see “The Law of The Circle” brought in to today’s game;

If Suaraz dives for a penalty, he must kiss the referee on the lips using tongues.

If Rooney claims handball when it is clearly not, he must remove his shirt and shorts and play the rest of the game in his pants.

If a goalkeeper rolls around as if shot when he has simply been beaten to the ball by someone 2 feet smaller, he must replace his gloves with the big pointy sponge hands from the American football fans and carry on the game.

This is the way, this is the only way.”

Eric C

 

*PLEASE NOTE-This is complete fiction, completely made up and not quotes from the great Eric Cantona

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